I got quite sick of everything I posted before.
This new leaf i've been promising myself i'll turn over and actually stick to it, well (brace yourself) I'm actually going to do it. It doesn't involve changing myself at all, just my attitude to things.
I've realised I have nothing at all to to worry or threat about; everything is more than dandy.
Ofcourse staying in college a 3rd year isn't quite ideal- It means countless essays and god knows what from economics (brain malfunction perhaps?) However considering i'll have a full A Level in Anthropology I think it'll be worth it. Considering my college is one of the few that teaches the course it'll be a devine sight for the uni's I apply for later on in the year (a few different from last year- I would like to stay as far away from the 'grim north' as possible). I've devoted so many hours of thought on this subject as a matter of considering future paths/ careers because I don't tend to/ find it difficult to stick to a subject I choose before being whisked off with infatuatuation for another. I've finaly found the route I want to take- it's an incredible interest of mine and has loads of branches of which I could take and shape into my own speciality. Not to mention I'm bloody good at it.
I definately do not regret not going down th nursing for mental health path- though it was just a phase, it still grasps my interest and I think I'll pursue it in a different way and merely learn about it in my own time, much like i'll will philosophy (when i've stopped hating it ofcourse). I kind of wonder how it would have been had I chosen to stay with nursing- i would have ended up up t'north and being gravely unhappy, not to mention how far i'd be from anyone I care about and the journey both there and back- how boring! The M1 has to be the most god awful motorway that ever existed- there is nothing along that motor way that stands out or screams uniqueness. It's the most boring journey i've ever endured and not to mention the people who you have to travel with- they're rude, noisey and have no regards to the people around them. Eurgh.
Outside of the education aspect of my life, there was a purpose for the turning of the leaf- of reasons I wont go into. My ways of thinking have been a bit ill so to speak and my attitude and behaviour just as bad when it needn't be. I have everything to fault myself for and I think i've been quite denial about it in previous situations. I've been wanting to do this for a while but I guess I never allowed myself to because it was somewhat beyond what I believed in.
I've realised i've got nothing to whine and moan about- I have everything I need to be happy, so whats a few mishaps in the past? Granted theres 1 or 2 at the present, but nothing but time and space will either cure them or forget them- though more likely to be the latter. Lets just bury the dead, plant my new leaf tree and be happy with the present and future. Because whats the point of being angry at something I can't change? I should just be happy and thankful that it did happen because it worked out for the best and it has allowed me to repair everything and make it even better than it was. Thats got to count for something right?
